GOLF—A GOOD WALK SPOILED

Once a month I get together for lunch with a group of guys I’ve known forever.  We meet at a small restaurant called Marsha’s on Brainerd Road in Chattanooga.  Marsha’s has one of the best bowls of chili on the planet and even though it’s summer time the “heat” is worth it.  They also have great tuna fish and chicken salad.  We met this past Tuesday and the first question to be asked—what’s happening in the world?  One member of our group said he is backing off from watching the news due to his doctor’s requests.  He is having issues with high blood pressure and the doctor indicated not watching the news just might help his condition.

No news and more golf he said.  “I’ve seen you play golf and that’s not going to help your blood pressure”.  You need to stop playing golf AND stop watching the news.  I thought about this and just wondered if there might not be a little humor (if not a lot of humor) in the ancient game.  Let’s take a look.

• Two golfers are ready to play on the 11^thtee as a funeral cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. “That was a really nice thing to do,” the second golfer says. “It’s good to see there is still some respect in the world.” “Well, it’s only right,” the first golfer replies. “I was married to her for 35 years.”
• After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18^th. He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.” The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”
• A hacker was playing so badly that his caddie was getting increasingly exasperated. On the 11^th, his ball lay about 160 yards from the green and as he eyed up the shot, he asked his caddie, “Do you think I can get there with a 4-iron?” “Eventually,” replied the caddie, wearily.
• Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. ‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective. ‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied. ‘A golf gun?  What’s a golf gun?’ ‘I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan.’ (Sorry for this one.)
• A couple was sitting at a table in a very stylish restaurant waiting on the meal they had just ordered. The guy said, “you know, even though this is only our forth date I think I know you well enough to tell you anything. ““Yes, you can and I feel the same way so go ahead—you first”.  The guy says, “I love golf.  I watch the golf channel seven day a week and if I could play seven days a week I would.  Now your turn”.  The young lady says—“I’m a hooker”.  The guy looks at her are says,” OK, just keep your head down, grip the club firmly and square the head so it’s perpendicular to the ball”.  (My favorite.)
• A golfer sliced a ball into a field of chickens, striking one of the hens and killing it instantly. He was understandably upset, and sought out the farmer. “I’m sorry,” he said, “my terrible tee-shot hit one of your hens and killed it. Can I replace the hen?” “I don’t know about that,” replied the farmer, mulling it over. “How many eggs a day do you lay?”

This has to cheer you up a little.  Now go out and play a round.